Agreed! It is so goooooood!!
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Yessss!
I think questioning oneselfāoneās perception of realityādoesnāt even factor for most people. Itās actually an achievement to realize that āthe questionā needs to be asked in the first place. And then, even once you intellectually understand that āthe questionā should be asked of yourself, actually asking it, repeatedly and even when it hurts, is STILL hard.
It almost seems to go against our basic human nature, putting forth effort where none is required for survival.
My favorite chapters:
12 ā Oral Examination
16 ā Harmless Blood Magic (Iāve mentioned this before but Theoās accident is based on my childhood.)
36 ā Conception of the Raven Queen (this is what started it all.)
41 ā Friendships Forged by Accident
52 ā Faulty Deductions (Damien you sweet bean.)
60 ā Request a Boon
61 ā To Slumber but not Rest
62 ā Cold Sweat (this whole sequence was going to be way less important, and then as I was writing I just got carried away in flow state. I looked up thousands of words later and it had developed Miles and Geraās character into what they are today. Siobhan has a soft spot for children.)
66 ā An Interview
82 through 87 ā The Newterrant incident.
92 ā She Who Brings the Night
106 ā Witchcraft (playing with the gremian was so fun.)
109 ā Hard Bargains
113 ā Heed My Prayer
117 ā Babysitting
123 ā An Honorable Burial
125 ā Blackmail
127 ā A Monster Egg
128 ā Raven Summoning Spell
134 ā Explosive Solve Everything
140 ā Faust
Bonus Novelette ā The Honeymoon Suite
167-177 (The Crown Capture Sequence, as I called it in my notes.)
178 ā Death Wish (I love reaction chapters, too, and all the āevidenceā being so overwhelming was just hilarious.)
179 ā Pyrrhic Failures (Seeing the events from an outsiderās perspectiveā¦The Raven Queen has fully earned her reputation.)
186 ā Symbolic Meaning (where she was thinking so hard she forgot to stand up.)
189 ā A Great Divide (Iād been planning that reveal for sooo long.)
193 ā Almost New Again (Bear is best boy, also please imagine what this whole weekend was like from the servantsā perspective.)
198-201 ā I wonāt specify because spoilers.
203 ā Again, spoilers. You guys are going to love it and wish there were more. Like eating only one potato chip.
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Yay, even the author responded to my question! 
I will definietly reread those, (though honestly I am at that point that after the book finishes, I will probably reread everything again)
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I hope this does not offend you Azalea, but it seems like this answer is: āMy favorite chapter is ā¦ all of it. I just really like writing all the things.ā 
And I LOVE thinking about what the servants saw for that whole weekend. Like they have to see dogs go in an out and Bear comes out healthy; itās like āRaven Queen brought that dog back to life!ā
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Hahaha, you are, in fact, totally correct! (Zero offense taken.)
I often say, this job/work is so freaking hard, if youāre not having fun with it, you might as well just stop and do something else.
I really enjoy writing all of the things.
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This is the most hilarious way Iāve ever seen that thought worded, but I agreeā:joy:
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Guys guys, your both pretty, put them back in your pants cause your both wrong
Our girl is clearly ace/aro right now, sheās not understanding any of the attention. While Iām hoping sheās more like me and does grow out of it
Sheās got this group of people who are showing some kind of romantic or very strong emotional attachments to her
Oliver, Damion, LACER, if tidus has to many more scenes he might be temptedā¦
But what about Ana when she realizes our girl is female? I have a small hint that she might a bit more interested, but that is a guess, not that much proof. Sheās an ally if nothing else.
Sheās gonna wake up and realize that they are gonna make her choose one or to have a reverse harem and THEN the chaos will really begin
And donāt forget both Theo and Miles have a childhood thing for her too, while Theo will prob grow out of it, Iām kinda afraid Miles might not, I have seen that before.
Btw, thatās one of my favorite chapters, when those two bicker about which she likes best, they are gonna be bestest friends or frienemiesā¦ To soon.
I like the chapters from Lacers point of view, when I first heard the bit where heās thinking about the raven queen and then headed into his bedroom Iāll be honest, my mind went right to the gutterā¦ No, thatās not what happened, and Iām still not sure if Iām disappointed or not.
ā¦ As someone who has had their actions misjudged for most of their life, itās only funny to me because I can see how to their mind of course that makes sense.
You have to be taught to look at things from a different perspective, you have to learn to ask so many questions.
If you ask the 11 year old why it took him so long to go to his sleepover last week he will tell you that itās because i am mean and didnāt count his chores.
If you ask for more details, he will say he did 350 words, 50 more than told, and therefore did his chores. He might even admit that he did it at school
But if you ask him WHY he had to write 300 words in the first place instead of the 250 he normally has to do once a week, he refuses to answer.
There is several follow up questions to get down to the bottom of what actually happened that people donāt normally think.
This happened!
Okay, what was going on before?
This
Why do you think that was happening
Cause they are stupid/mean/whatever
Can you stop and consider how they might be justifiying their actions and you are in the wrong
No! Huff!
I have actually for the last 3 decades have been trying to train myself to see everything, why did they do that, all the reasonsā¦
I developed this skill because I was getting gaslit and that is sometimes the only way to get out of the trouble, understand whatās going on so you can stay ahead of them.
Iāve noticed in the last two years some doctors will actually try to ask deeper questions, the why, your mindsetā¦ Not to just assume e.e
I canāt wait for the interview with Lacer and our girl to happen. What is his reaction gonna be?
And sheās avoiding O, exactly why is that.
One of my favorite chapters is always the one Iām about to read as I try to figure out just what is going on
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āPrescription strength gaslightingā is now a part of my lexicon. Absolutely hilarious!
S has literal sparks with Oliver, so Iām not so sure there. But sheās definitely not romantically interested in anyone that e know of.
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I have to jump back in and say that my new favorite chapter is 203. Itās everything. And Lacer in 204 is such a great follow up!
Oh, yeah, I remember feeling like a spark towards some people, but it wasnāt important to me.
Until it was
Then oh gods facepalm. No more skipping school for adult fun I swear, but I had been very sheltered and very dumb at the time
I am pretty sure Oliver, the clever charismatic person that he is, did stuff deliberately to make her a little interested
After all, he wants her as his ally in almost every way he can do it, I donāt think heās really being malicious about it, but heās so use to automatically playing cards that will help his long term goal that he just does it
I kinda want to see her just waking up in book five realizing she has so many options and they are all just cool with her having all of them
Like Damion said, he doesnāt have to be the one with great power, he just wants the respect of those who hold it, there is many ways to get power
And I can see him just kinda accepting that he has applied it to a semi romantic relationship with Sebastian.
āYouāre so forwardā no qualms when he thought S was making a move on him
By the way, the guys guys was said mostly in jest.
Itās a bad misquote from Firefly.
I was trying to make yāall laugh.
I have no idea for sure.
Oliver is a pretty strong contender Iāll admit, heās actually admitted sheās more important to him than he planned her to be
I think the main reason why Damion isnāt at that level of infatuation is because he thinks S is a boy, and while he has no qualms with it, it might take a bit more for him to realize heās got more than just a little bit of a hero worship.
Reading between the lines, I think Lacer could develop romantic feelings for Sebastian if the kid can honestly prove himself an equal.
Because of how Lacer thinks about the Raven Queen, someone who he thinks might be his int equal, heās def so interested that he forgets himself for a moment and kinda chasesā¦
Thereās a line about wanting an equal that could be a companion, but I forget which he is speaking about, I think heās actually is looking at both in a weird way
Theoās foolish little hero worship, I am sure is a childās fanboy, no real interest, just wants to be a favorite. As long as she is his friend he will be happy.
But Miles hero worship is a bit of a different story. There is a chance that he will grow out of it, but due to what he is and that heās a part of the nightmare pact, I donāt think so. He seems to have this deep respect for her, understanding that canāt be a thing now I think. But he sleeps with her scent, she is who he goes to for safety, and he is willing to do everything in his power to protect her. Maybe he will grow out of it, maybe he will be like one I know and itās obvious to anyone but the target that the love is there and strong, will never act on it, or maybe, when he is old and brave enough, he will try to join her little reverse harem
And yeah, the thought of a child so loving an adult is gross, Iāve watched it happen, with the adult not knowing, or the adult knowing and either discourging or ignoring it.
Children have feelings too, and they are strong and real to them.
In David eddings Spearhawk series, queen E falls in love with Spearhawk when sheās like 3, and I donāt think he realized it until she pretends he is purposing her, while in that same series, kurks wife picks him at 8 and then, um, talks him into marriage 10 years later.
But Iāve seen it in real life too.
Our girl hears them fighting over which is their favorite and just makes them stop for the moment, but I donāt think she quite sees what it means just yet.
ā¦ And please note, while Iām okay with a child having feelings for an adult, I am not okay with an adult looking at a child that way, though my idea of an adult is somewhere between 17 and 18 to be clear.
ā¦ The praying woman, I havenāt heard enough come out of her mouth or seen the world from her actual point of view, but thereās a chance that she might want to be on this list, as well as the guy who says āshe is your(or our?) queenā
I need more info to see just where they are.
Also, if Ana figures out that S is actually a girl and can change genders at will, there might be a thing there. Like I said before, I donāt know if sheās interested in the same sex couples having babies for herself, or if she just an ally. If she does have preferences for females, the idea that S can be her partner in public as a guy to shut up her family, and then female in the bedroom for the fun timeā¦
As someone who is pan and poly, the natural selection to me is pick all of the adults that actually appeal to meā¦ Then do the nightmare of work to keep everything balanced.
Though, I wonder what Oliver opinion of Ana is after how incredibly clever she took her uncles out of competition. He said he could never marry someone he didnāt respect. What she pulled I think she absolutely has earned respect.
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We had the same 20s, I think.
Truly, Iād be happy if S never ends up in a romantic relationship. The books are excellent without it, and any real romance is going to have to move the plot forward. But I am still looking forward to every time an Oliver chapter leaves her a flustered mess, and every time she mentions Lacerās beard. I adore her total obliviousness to anything thatās not directly related to to her goals.
Oliver and Ana are very nearly the same person. I have thought for ages that they would have a perfect sham marriage if Ana ever needed it, but hopefully sheāll be able to pursue her own relationships with people sheās interested in once she gains enough power. She might even have a girlfriend that we donāt know about - S certainly isnāt curious about her personal life, and she and Damien have been ignoring poor Ana all term. A lot can happen in a few months!
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āIs it possible to learn this power?ā
Asking for a friend of a friendā¦
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To learn how to be ace or aro?
Or to stop being?
ā¦ Honestly, I think most kids are ace/aro and at some point in puberty kinda wake up and stop.
And some people, like me, take a bit longer.
I got convinced, by someone who turned out to be a douch and well, thereās still some damage to this day.
But Iām more demisexual now, itās almost like Iām bipolar, Iām one extreme or the other. Iām also different.
Some people never really find interest in sex, some people never get anything out of romantic relationships.
ā¦ Honestly, I wish almost everything could just be considered platonic, hugs, cuddles, some mild affection. We being creatures who psychologically need physical interaction with others of our kinds, putting a stigma on a lot of stuff is ā¦ Controlling.
But Iām not going to deep dive into that
Short answer, thereās a chance you can get them interested, maybe even carefully trying (twice, itās always awkward the first time)
But it might never happen, and thatās okay. The friend of a friend is awesome and should be respected for being the wonderful creature they are
Oh raven feathers, just got to this chapter
And prescription strength gaslighting is a pretty good way to describe it
Except, they donāt mean to. To them they are telling the truth as they understand, as they witnessed.
Gaslighting, to be true gaslighting, like the movie that gave it itās name, is used a weapon again the person to get them to doubt what they believe due to whatever reason.
ā¦ I do not tolerate gaslighters, because they are liars and manipulative people
But these guys, bless their feathers, have misunderstood EVERYTHING, and of course their beliefs are real., of course they are going to share it with the non believers.
ā¦ Geraās reliance on divination and our girl always having some kind of ward to make her seem a void makes her feel correct and it just corroborates with everybody else.
Why would they consider the jerky puppet actions her being in that much pain and just powering through it (sweety stop or your gonna end up like me)
Or that her hair and eye color has to do with being one of The People.
Even if Kat tried to speak up, they have all convinced themselves and I do not believe our girl can even get them to see reason if she showed them how to brew the pot of darkness themselvesā¦
Sheās just stuck becoming a godling now, oh no,
I think questioning oneselfāoneās perception of realityādoesnāt even factor for most people. Itās actually an achievement to realize that āthe questionā needs to be asked in the first place. And then, even once you intellectually understand that āthe questionā should be asked of yourself, actually asking it, repeatedly and even when it hurts, is STILL hard.
Yes. Absolutely. And my favorite chapters are ones where Thaddeus goes on about the topic.
This is a topic that Iāve spent thinking a lot about. Here are some of my thoughts.
Humans are primates. We are built to be social animals. Social animals depend on group identity. Our group, right or wrong. And are limited in size to the number of others you can track socially. Which is Dunbarās number, and is estimated at 150 for our species.
But as the book Sapiens suggests, weāve transferred our identity from groups to ideas. We can cooperate because we work for the same organization, share a religion, are fans of the same sports team, and so on. We attach our identity to family, ideas, social structures, etc. This took us from being social animals to supersocial animals. There is no evidence of any hominid other than homo sapiens being able to cooperate in groups above a band. But as soon as our race started showing up, we first saw long-distance trading networks, and later evidence of rapid technology transfer. Today, of course, we cooperate (if not always well) in groups of many millions. China, India and the Catholic Church are all roughly in the neighborhood of 1.4 billion.
But this ability comes with a giant downside. The fundamental group dynamic is, āMy group, right or wrong.ā And the idea of the group being wrong is exceptionally painful. The result is easy to see all around us - implicitly or explicitly criticize a group that someone identifies with, and that person gets angry. This is why religion, politics, and sports are often not discussed at the dinner table. Because they too easily lead to arguments.
And so, criticism of group ideas and identity causes cognitive dissonance. With a whole host of irrational behaviors following from this. Including bizarre things like groupthink. Leading to the otherwise perplexing behavior that a logical and reasonable person remains logical and reasonable as long as it isnāt about anything that they feel it is important. But as soon as it is important, logic and reason go out the window. The formerly reasonable person is entirely unaware that this happened, and will strongly deny all evidence that it happened.
Iāve known this intellectually for many years. But still it came as a shock to me in the last couple of years as Iāve been forced to face that Iām no exception to this pattern. As a result Iām deeply interested in the question of how we can actually do better. Here are the tools that Iāve found.
- Adopt an identity where being open to criticism is part of the identity. This is a standard prescription for avoiding groupthink. See Cargo Cult Science for a famous talk where Feynman encourages scientists to this attitude.
- Take as much out of your identity as possible. See Keep Your Identity Small for an essay by Paul Graham advocating this. People in professions that require good contact with reality often develop approaches to help. For example see The Ten Commandments of Egoless Programming. (The author of that cofounded the top question and answer site for programmers.)
- Targeted gratitude. Many traditions, both religious and philosophical, have zeroed in on gratitude as being important. Very specifically, it can help mitigate pain. In my experience, this can even help with the pain of challenges to our own identity. I was shocked at how much a little gratitude helped me become more rational about what counts for me. And it is easy for me to target gratitude with accepting feedback that helps me do better at what I most care about.
- Last, only because it is not under our control. Being on the spectrum. At least one friend with mild autism has told me that heās able to separate himself entirely from his own criticism. Information on how heās done poorly leaves him feeling pretty bad. But heās really good at hearing it anyways. This completely fits my experiences with him.
OK, end of random brain dump. Iām happy to receive messages from anyone who has questions or thoughts of their own on this topic.
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Gratitude, honestly ment gratitude can be a huge difference.
I have just accepted that most people just take me and what I do for granted and do not expect a thank you.
However, I try to make sure that I honestly express my thanks for everything.
It has made a big of a difference in my chosen familyās life. I have found the 18 year old has very little qualms helping me, when I do ask, or sometimes just offering to help, I think because he knows I will appreciate him, and that I do my best to never ask because Iām being lazy and want others to do stuff.
If I have to call someone to my room to get something, itās prob because Iām literally stuck on the floor due to medical reasons and legitimately need help
Not just that I didnāt feel like getting a thing.
Heck, I rarely ask for them to hand me something in the fridge that they are in, I will wait my turn to get into the fridge unless itās obvious it will take them a few minutes.
But the few times I get a thank you, or can see the gratitude in someoneās face because someone helped them
Gods, I think thatās one of the best things in the world.
I still feel a bit awkward when Iām told that one of my thoughtless acts of kindness saves someoneās life, like just smiling at a bunch of strangers made some of them decide to not unalive themselves, and when I didnāt smile for a week, they sent their boss to check on me.
Really, it was a life changing thought.
Even stupid little things you do that make someone smile might be the only reason they smile that day. That might be a huge huge thing to them.
Letās grab an example from a practical guide. You know our girl was only thinking of the short term impact of the sprite nest she moved. But not only did she help the critters in the short term, she unwittingly got others to also help those sprites, and I bet even more random critters are stashed around campus being helped
Like the stray cat thing that happened at one of my colleges, there was little food/water/shelters by almost every building and oh man could you get in trouble if you got caught hurting one of the strays.
Sometimes people just need to be shown how to be nice, because sadly, here in the āgreatā USA itās not a big priority.
Everything is worry about the next quarter, the next profit, who cares about anybody else, take what you can, give nothing back
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ā¦ Just got the chapter where you hear the story of a young lacer and learning magic.
Omg, I love it.
And the chills down my spine as I realize how close the magic is to a series of dreams I had about a decade ago. That worlds magic works in a very same wayā¦ Like almost all of it correspondsā¦ Though I donāt rememebr using the word that our girl uses.
It becomes more and more interesting.
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